Don't Let Anger Take Over

Imagine shopping during the holiday season – one deals with crowds, impatience from waiting in long lines, fellow customers expressing frustration with not finding the perfect gift.  All are precursors to anger, which often leads to angry behaviors.  Being in the vicinity of so many disgruntled people definitely puts a damper on my holiday experience.

Frequently, we are confronted with others who may not act in a way we think is right or fair.  Our lack of empathy is definitely a contributing factor to our rising tempers and frustration.



There are several ways to understand the emotion of anger.  It is universally seen as a secondary emotion.  This means there is an underlying feeling or emotion like hurt, frustration or rejection that gets covered up with anger in order to protect oneself. Anger often causes us to do or say something that we later regret.  Prolonged anger is not good for our emotional or physical health.  A wise saint once said, "A moment of patience in a moment of anger prevents us from a thousand moments of regret."  In the heat of the moment - when you feel anger taking over you - pause, take a deep breath (or several), and try to calm your emotions before you speak.  Making important decisions while you are angry is a very unwise thing to do.  Professionals say it takes practice to know how to deal with anger in the moment.  Reacting in a calm manner will take time and concerted effort but, in the long run, putting aside the emotion and thinking rationally will definitely be beneficial.

While researching techniques on how to deal with anger, I found an interesting view on the virtue of anger and how to use it to create a positive change in a negative situation. Channeling our anger in a way that will be productive allows us to use the negative situation as a tool to either teach us a coping technique or to ignite something within us to motivate action.   For example, a patron or customer who comes in angry will undoubtedly say or use a tone of voice that seems as if his/her anger is directed at the person who is trying to help.  This anger may have nothing to do with that person but if they choose to respond with an equally angry or belligerent tone of voice, it will escalate the situation.  At the very least, it will do nothing to diffuse the customer's anger or frustration.  An opportunity is created to respond with kindness and perhaps that will affect the mood of the customer going forward.  Nothing good comes from an angry response to anger or frustration.  The same goes for interacting with young children.  Being conscious of the way we as adults react when we are angry will allow us to model better behavior for the children around us. Reading age-appropriate books dealing with emotions also will help children learn how to respond when they are feeling frustrated.

So take a breath, think calming thoughts, and go check out these books from our library to deal with life's many situations!


Who Feels Mad, Dear Dragon? by Margaret Hillert

Feeling Angry by Rosalyn Clark

How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick

No Hitting!  by Karen Katz

Never Get Angry Again: the Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and In Control in Any Conversation or Situation by David Lieberman

The Gift of Anger: and Other Lessons from My Grandfather Mahatma Gandhi by Arun Gandhi

The Cow in the Parking Lot: a Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger by Leonard Scheff

- Kaneeze, Hightstown Branch