Resolving Conflicts

I have been practicing Raja Yoga meditation for 11 years, taught by the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual Organization. This has brought me to feel that when there is peace in the mind, everything else runs smoothly. I offer guided meditation classes at the Hightstown Branch at lunch time on Mondays and Wednesday evenings. Many people who come to my classes share their experiences about finding peace and how meditation has improved their relationships. I take up a different theme each time, such as acceptance, kindness, peace, happiness, overcoming anger and many more.

In my experience, conflicts most often happen with the people we interact on a regular basis. We set up expectations for others that may not be met; we become attached to our own opinions and cannot always see others sides.

Brahma Kumaris teaching tells us that our true identity is not the physical form, but the spiritual being which embodies love, peace, purity and understanding. Their wisdom includes keeping our mind healthy and not wasting energy on redundant anger.

This is what happens when we don’t get along with someone. Instead of working on lessening conflict, we often continue to think about what they did or said even when they are not in front of us and seek out others who agree with our negative thoughts. Let’s stop hurting ourselves and start taking good care of ourselves. Only we can help ourselves and improve our relationships by creating the right thoughts. Let’s create thoughts that will bring us peace. Let’s change our thoughts and, thus, change our relationships.

Steps to resolve conflicts:

Last year, I attended a customer service workshop that was offered by my employer and they talked about how it is very important to have good relations with our colleagues and our family members at home, because how we feel directly reflects in everything we do.  Some points the instructor made included:

• Try to find at least one good quality in the person we are having a conflict with.
• Understand that each person’s upbringing is different, each person’s circumstances are different and, as a result, each person thinks and behaves differently.
• Don’t “expect” from people but, instead, accept people.
• Often hurt is unintentional - if we watch closely, we will notice that most times the people who we are upset with behave in the same manner with others and the hurt was not personal.
• Many times, misunderstanding and  lack of communication can create conflicts. It is extremely important to talk to the other person when we are calm and not angry or upset.

Let us all try something new this New Year and resolve conflicts. I am only able to control the change in myself. If I am able do this, my perspective and relationships will change.

Here are two titles available from our library collection to help you resolve the conflicts in your life:

Changing the Conversation: The 17 Principles of Conflict Resolution by Dana Caspersen

If you do not have a lot of time to read, this book gets its points across with just a few sentences on each page. Each concept is accompanied by examples in the form of imaginary conversations between two people.








Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally Charged Conflicts by Daniel Shapiro

Daniel Shapiro previously co-wrote a book about negotiation. In this title, he uses the same concepts to avoid being too emotional during conflicts. The method can be tailored to a variety of situations such as with family or in the workplace.






For further reading:

Conflict Resolution Smarts: How to Communicate, Negotiate, Compromise and More by Matt Doeden

Conflict Resolution: Mediation Tools for Everyday Worklife by Daniel Dana

Practical Meditation by Giovanni Dienstmann

Meditation classes are offered at many of the Mercer County Library branches. They can be a great start to change by encouraging us to take a step back and be mindful. Go to our online calendar and search “meditation” to find the branches and times that work best for you!

- Leena, Hightstown Branch