Good grief?

The great Michael Scott once said, “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

I recently lost a very good friend and the news still has not sunk in. I spoke to him a day before he passed and thought perhaps it was an awful April Fool’s Joke on Facebook. Unfortunately, it was not. Waves of sadness, anger, confusion, and longing swept over me, and continue to, at the thought of losing such a dear friend. Apparently having these feelings is normal.

In times of grief, you kind of feel like you are losing your mind. Experiencing the four, five, seven, or million stages of grief is intense and not linear. The mind starts to wander into unfamiliar territory, leaving you to feel uncomfortable with your emotions and thoughts. Questions begin to permeate your mind as you wonder:

• What could I have done?
• Are they at peace? 
• Why did they have to leave me? 

In these moments, try to remember there are many resources to help support you through this difficult time. Some online resources and app downloads are available to those that are grieving and have offered me support during this time.

One service is called Crisis Text Line in which you can text (for free!) with a Crisis Counselor. It is important to remember that this service is available to anyone going through a difficult time such as bullying, depression, anxiety, and thoughts of self-harm. There is also the SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) hotline which is a referral service to help individuals find treatment facilities as well as support groups.

Traditional face-to-face therapy is a great option but there are also apps in which you can communicate with a therapist (often for a fee). Some therapy apps include Talkspace and Moodnotes.

Meditation is beneficial but can be difficult to do alone when grieving. Your mind may have a harder time remaining focused due to the influx of mixed emotions. The apps Headspace and Insight Timer offer guided meditations and breathing techniques. 

The healing process is definitely uncomfortable, especially when you lose someone close. As you begin to process the trauma, you will soon find yourself juggling negative emotions as well as positive and healthy emotions. This is where the "good grief" comes in.

My friend had such a huge heart and, as his obituary noted, “lived a thousand lives in one.” He was a musician, comedian, entrepreneur, animal-lover, avid cyclist, artist, writer, and, most importantly, a kindhearted person. I chose to link a quote and meme from The Office because it perfectly captured our relationship. He not only introduced me to The Office but always reminded me to find a little bit of laughter in every situation, no matter how serious the circumstances. While it has been difficult to process and think about good memories, remembering his impact upon the local art and music community as well as in my life has been challenging yet therapeutic. As I type this, it is hard to believe the heartache will go away, but it will.


Here are some catalog links to resources that you can obtain at the Mercer County Library: 

On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross












Modern Loss : Candid Conversation about Grief : Beginners Welcome by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner











Anxiety, the Missing Stage of Grief : a Revolutionary Approach to Understanding and Healing the Impact of Loss by Claire Bidwell Smith

- Michelle R., Robbinsville Branch