LGBTQIA+ — It’s Not Just for Grown-ups
Recent generations of Americans were raised with stereotyped ideas of how their own children would look, dress, and behave. Little girls in pink dresses with bouncing curls would grow up into slender, beautiful, makeup-and-fashion lovers, going out on dates with their handsome boyfriends. Little boys in jeans and striped shirts would love sports and frogs, maturing into football, soccer, or lacrosse heroes with cute cheerleaders or field hockey players on their arm at the high school prom.
But the reality of who we are is much more complex than that. Parents discover that their children are unique individuals, with interests, viewpoints, likes, and dislikes all their own. Our culture today has experienced a major shift that has allowed children and teens to express or explore who they are, whether or not that expression conforms to past stereotypes.
Instead of finding out that Jenny wants to wear dresses and play with dolls, a parent may learn that Jenny would like to be called Jeremy and be addressed as “he.” Nathan may have been born with male attributes, but discover that he’s not yet sure who he is inside. Despite being a teen, he isn’t ready to dive into any romantic relationships with either girls or boys, and he likes to experiment with both masculine and feminine presentation or be distinguishable as either male or female. Eliana may love romantic boho dresses, ballet, and makeup, and want to attend her prom with Tiffany.
Some parents find these developments easy to accept and take in stride, while others struggle to understand their children and how to support them as they grow into teens and adults. Many people aren’t even sure what the different labels (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, nonbinary, cisgender, and more) mean. Grandparents may struggle for how to best talk to and connect with their LGBTQIA+ grandchild in ways that are meaningful.
Just learning (or suspecting) that your child identifies with some part of the LGBTQ community? Here is some basic information from Johns Hopkins Medicine’s “Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Youth” https://tinyurl.com/rvus3n8. The article provides simple and straightforward advice for parents new to the topic, with sections like “Let them know they are loved” and “How to get them talking.”
Need some basic definitions of terms that you are not familiar with? Welcomingschools.org (a joint effort between Human Rights Campaign, PFLAG, and experts in the field) has created a simple glossary of definitions that can be used for discussions with children, but are equally valuable for adults just learning about the various distinctions: http://www.welcomingschools.org/resources/definitions/.
As a parent, you may want to become aware of some of the struggles that these children face in American society. According to a 2017 survey( [1]) of 12,000 teens (ages 13 – 17) by the University of Connecticut and HRC Foundation:
However, the research has also found that supportive and caring family environments can provide teens with the safety nets and self-esteem to thrive, hopefully avoiding depression and suicidal thoughts. Family understanding and acceptance is key to helping LGBTQIA+ youth.
If you are looking for more information and resources, the Mercer County Library System has materials available to help families learn together and support one another. You can also visit any reference desk for assistance finding books, online resources, counseling services, or other programs to assist you with your specific questions and situation.
New Jersey’s Department of Children and Families offers an online list of resources supporting LGBTQI individuals at https://www.nj.gov/dcf/adolescent/lgbtqi/.
The Trevor Project ( http://www.thetrevorproject.org/) is a national organization providing crisis intervention and support to youth ages 13 through 24, including a phone “lifeline,” chat service, and text messaging with a trained counselor.
Teen and Family Resources from the Mercer County Library System
Queer: The Ultimate LGBTQ Guide for Teens by Belge, Kathy
A guide that helps LGBT teens come out to friends and family, navigate their new LGBT social life, figure out if a crush is also queer, and rise up against bigotry and homophobia.
LGBTQ: The Survival Guide for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens by Kelly Huegel
Realistic advice for teens who are LGBTQ, questioning whether they might be, or are just interested in knowing more about LGBTQ history and rights. Also included are practical suggestions on dealing with homophobia; dating; creating a more accepting school environment; and reconciling your sexual/gender identity with cultural and religious beliefs.
Gender Identity: Beyond Pronouns and Bathrooms by Maria Cook
"An informative and project-filled book for middle graders to explore the meaning and history behind LGBTQ rights movements, including biographies of key figures in gender and gay/lesbian history, the context behind today's transgender "bathroom wars" and dozens of activities and research ideas for perspectives and further learning."--Amazon.com.
Beyond Gender Binaries: The History of Trans, Intersex, and Third-Gender Individuals by Rita Santos
While transgender people have been called many different things by different cultures, they have always existed. This book traces the history of how transgender, third gender, and other varieties of gender-nonconforming individuals have functioned in various societies. It documents how different societies' understanding of sex and gender has changed over time. Readers will explore how different cultures viewed these individuals as well as how their legal rights have evolved (or devolved). They will meet some of the historical figures that paved the way for so many others to live their truth.
Confronting LGBTQ+ Discrimination by Avery Elizabeth Hurt
This book empowers readers to confront discrimination and offers practical guidance on navigating a sometimes hostile world where not everyone believes that LGBTQ+ people should have the same rights. Readers who define as LGBTQ+ will find themselves encouraged, and those who do not will learn how to be supportive allies of their LGBTQ+ friends and classmates.
Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity by Rachel Stuckey
This title gives young people a better understanding of sexual orientation, gender identity, and the LGBTQ community. Personal testimonials shed light on the difficulties individuals face coming out and dispel myths of gender stereotypes. Also included is advice on how to support family members, friends, or classmates who identify as a member of the LGBTQ community.
Queer, There, and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World by Sarah Prager
This LGBTQ chronicle for teens shares hip, engaging facts about 23 influential gender-ambiguous notables from the era of the Roman Empire to the present, exploring how they defied convention to promote civil rights, pursue relationships on their own terms and shape culture.
LGBTQ+ Athletes Claim the Field: Striving for Equality by Kirstin Cronn-Mills
In 2015, the world watched as soccer star Abby Wambach kissed her wife after the US women's World Cup victory. Milwaukee Brewers' minor league first baseman David Denson came out as gay. It hasn't always been this way. Many great athletes have stayed in the closet their whole lives, or at least until retirement.
In memory of Ben Murray (2004 – 2019), a bright, caring young man and passionate supporter of human and animal rights.
But the reality of who we are is much more complex than that. Parents discover that their children are unique individuals, with interests, viewpoints, likes, and dislikes all their own. Our culture today has experienced a major shift that has allowed children and teens to express or explore who they are, whether or not that expression conforms to past stereotypes.
Instead of finding out that Jenny wants to wear dresses and play with dolls, a parent may learn that Jenny would like to be called Jeremy and be addressed as “he.” Nathan may have been born with male attributes, but discover that he’s not yet sure who he is inside. Despite being a teen, he isn’t ready to dive into any romantic relationships with either girls or boys, and he likes to experiment with both masculine and feminine presentation or be distinguishable as either male or female. Eliana may love romantic boho dresses, ballet, and makeup, and want to attend her prom with Tiffany.
Some parents find these developments easy to accept and take in stride, while others struggle to understand their children and how to support them as they grow into teens and adults. Many people aren’t even sure what the different labels (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, nonbinary, cisgender, and more) mean. Grandparents may struggle for how to best talk to and connect with their LGBTQIA+ grandchild in ways that are meaningful.
Just learning (or suspecting) that your child identifies with some part of the LGBTQ community? Here is some basic information from Johns Hopkins Medicine’s “Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Youth” https://tinyurl.com/rvus3n8. The article provides simple and straightforward advice for parents new to the topic, with sections like “Let them know they are loved” and “How to get them talking.”
Need some basic definitions of terms that you are not familiar with? Welcomingschools.org (a joint effort between Human Rights Campaign, PFLAG, and experts in the field) has created a simple glossary of definitions that can be used for discussions with children, but are equally valuable for adults just learning about the various distinctions: http://www.welcomingschools.org/resources/definitions/.
As a parent, you may want to become aware of some of the struggles that these children face in American society. According to a 2017 survey( [1]) of 12,000 teens (ages 13 – 17) by the University of Connecticut and HRC Foundation:
- 77% of LGBTQ teenagers surveyed reported feeling depressed or down over the past week;
- 95% of LGBTQ youth reported trouble sleeping at night;
- LGBTQ youth of color and transgender teenagers experienced unique challenges and elevated stress—only 11% of youth of color surveyed believe their racial or ethnic group is regarded positively in the U.S;
- Over 50% of trans and gender-expansive youth said they can never use school restrooms that align with their gender identity;
- More than 70% reported feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness in the past week;
- Only 26% said they always feel safe in their school classrooms, and just five percent said all of their teachers and school staff are supportive of LGBTQ people;
- 67% reported that they’ve heard family members make negative comments about LGBTQ people.”
However, the research has also found that supportive and caring family environments can provide teens with the safety nets and self-esteem to thrive, hopefully avoiding depression and suicidal thoughts. Family understanding and acceptance is key to helping LGBTQIA+ youth.
If you are looking for more information and resources, the Mercer County Library System has materials available to help families learn together and support one another. You can also visit any reference desk for assistance finding books, online resources, counseling services, or other programs to assist you with your specific questions and situation.
New Jersey’s Department of Children and Families offers an online list of resources supporting LGBTQI individuals at https://www.nj.gov/dcf/adolescent/lgbtqi/.
The Trevor Project ( http://www.thetrevorproject.org/) is a national organization providing crisis intervention and support to youth ages 13 through 24, including a phone “lifeline,” chat service, and text messaging with a trained counselor.
Teen and Family Resources from the Mercer County Library System
A guide that helps LGBT teens come out to friends and family, navigate their new LGBT social life, figure out if a crush is also queer, and rise up against bigotry and homophobia.
Realistic advice for teens who are LGBTQ, questioning whether they might be, or are just interested in knowing more about LGBTQ history and rights. Also included are practical suggestions on dealing with homophobia; dating; creating a more accepting school environment; and reconciling your sexual/gender identity with cultural and religious beliefs.
"An informative and project-filled book for middle graders to explore the meaning and history behind LGBTQ rights movements, including biographies of key figures in gender and gay/lesbian history, the context behind today's transgender "bathroom wars" and dozens of activities and research ideas for perspectives and further learning."--Amazon.com.
While transgender people have been called many different things by different cultures, they have always existed. This book traces the history of how transgender, third gender, and other varieties of gender-nonconforming individuals have functioned in various societies. It documents how different societies' understanding of sex and gender has changed over time. Readers will explore how different cultures viewed these individuals as well as how their legal rights have evolved (or devolved). They will meet some of the historical figures that paved the way for so many others to live their truth.
This book empowers readers to confront discrimination and offers practical guidance on navigating a sometimes hostile world where not everyone believes that LGBTQ+ people should have the same rights. Readers who define as LGBTQ+ will find themselves encouraged, and those who do not will learn how to be supportive allies of their LGBTQ+ friends and classmates.
This title gives young people a better understanding of sexual orientation, gender identity, and the LGBTQ community. Personal testimonials shed light on the difficulties individuals face coming out and dispel myths of gender stereotypes. Also included is advice on how to support family members, friends, or classmates who identify as a member of the LGBTQ community.
This LGBTQ chronicle for teens shares hip, engaging facts about 23 influential gender-ambiguous notables from the era of the Roman Empire to the present, exploring how they defied convention to promote civil rights, pursue relationships on their own terms and shape culture.
In 2015, the world watched as soccer star Abby Wambach kissed her wife after the US women's World Cup victory. Milwaukee Brewers' minor league first baseman David Denson came out as gay. It hasn't always been this way. Many great athletes have stayed in the closet their whole lives, or at least until retirement.
- Jeanne M., Twin Rivers
In memory of Ben Murray (2004 – 2019), a bright, caring young man and passionate supporter of human and animal rights.
[1] 2018 LGBTQ Youth Report. Human Right Campaign -
https://tinyurl.com/wkonb8x
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