“Can’t We All Just Get Along?”

At the time of this writing, midterm elections were still on the horizon, with all of their accompanying anxieties. If you’re like me, politics can make you teeter between two things: 1) wondering why everyone doesn’t just rationally agree to disagree, without all the vitriol, and 2) trying hard to convince everyone of the correctness of our own opinions (or even, dare I say it, our own facts.) Talk about anxiety-producing discourse!

One of the problems with such discourse is that it causes many people to simply choose not to engage at all. This harms everyone, as a healthy democracy needs citizens to come to the public square and hash out differences to find the best solutions. Otherwise, only the loudest or most thick-skinned among us will make all the decisions!

Many of us feel we don’t have the skills to converse with people we strongly disagree with, or enough opportunity to practice those skills. One organization that works to change that is Braver Angels, which aims to bridge the partisan divide by bringing people together for conversations about difficult topics. https://braverangels.org/. They have an extensive reading list here, and many of these titles are available through the Mercer County Library System.

Or, one could listen to a podcast such as Pantsuit Politics, in which hosts Sarah Stewart Holland & Beth Silvers--on opposite sides of the political divide--are determined to understand each other’s positions. They communicate respectfully and with a large dose of curiosity. Their key word is “nuance,” in recognition that very few issues are all wrong or all right.

Holland and Silvers have a new book, entitled Now What? How to Move Forward When We're Divided (About Basically Everything).From the publisher: “From friendships to Facebook to far-off countries, what do we do when our lives seem mired in conflict? How do we find connection when our differences are constantly on display and even exacerbated by algorithms and echo chambers? How do we build a kinder society?” In this book they try to help you become a peacemaker and positive influence in your own spheres.

Although I haven’t read that one yet, I did read their previous book which is also at MCL and has the humorous title I Think You’re Wrong (But I’m Listening): A Guide to Grace-filled Political Conversations.

I found much of the book’s advice helpful and easily adoptable. For example, they suggest that before examining any issue, first take off your metaphorical “team jersey.” Are you parroting the party line, or do your values actually align with those of your “Team?” They also advise asking sincere questions of someone you think you disagree with. Often the way we truly feel about something is hiding behind soundbites and slogans. When someone is interested in learning what we really think—and why—we may discover we’re more like our “sworn enemies” than we thought!

One thing Sarah and Beth do agree on is the importance of a healthy democracy. Here at the Ewing Branch during the past several months, we highlighted books about democracy next to the NJ Council for the Humanities’ Democracy Conversation Project. Whether the recent elections went your way or not, I hope you agree it’s important to keep our democracy strong, and that you will continue to participate in it to the greatest extent that you can.

*In 1992, Rodney King’s actual words were “Can we all get along?” as he attempted to stop rioting in Los Angeles

-  by Kathleen N., Ewing Branch