Introverts for the win!

Like about a third to a half of the population, I am an introvert, and I have learned to embrace it!

Introverts are often shy, but not always; they are more focused on their inner thoughts and feelings than what is going on in the world around them. Large social gatherings and sensory overloads tend to leave introverts feeling drained and needing some personal space.

Historically, I think, there was some stigma associated with having traits of an introvert. Being quiet and reserved was sometimes misunderstood. Thankfully, societal perspectives seem to be changing. Introverts themselves and those around them have a growing understanding of their qualities and needs. And not only that, people seem to be appreciating the positive qualities that introverts bring to the table. 

Raising children who are introverted can be both a joy and a challenge. I expect that my own experiences echoed that of many introverts. As a child, I was a good student, but had anxiety about the social aspects of school and other events. This can create some challenges for kids and their parents. However, as parents, there are ways that we can encourage our introverted children by acknowledging their strengths and helping them work through their weaknesses. 

Below I’ve outlined several introverted traits and their potential advantages and disadvantages, as well as ways to nurture the positives in your child or in yourself! While I don’t claim to be an expert in child development, I do have experience as an introvert and as a parent to introverted children. I have learned a lot about myself and them over the years. 

• Introverts often have a rich inner world.
  • Advantage: Introverts are often imaginative and creative.
  • Disadvantage: They may have a harder time in social situations where they have to focus a lot of attention outside of themselves.
  • Encourage them by allowing them to do lots of creative activities! Many writers and artists were or are introverts. When choosing extracurricular activities, be thoughtful about what will suit them the best and get your child’s input.
• Introverts may be slow to open up to people.
  • Advantage: Introverts are not likely to give in to peer pressure or feel the need to follow trends, and they tend not to make quick judgements about people.
  • Disadvantage: It can be harder to make friends and sometimes it can look to others like an introverted person is unfriendly upon first meeting them.
  • Encourage them by being patient. It’s okay to push them a little. I do think that introverts do better when they get practice socializing, but let them take their time and open up at their own pace.
• Introverts are comfortable being alone.
  • Advantage: Introverted children usually don’t need to be entertained or kept busy all of the time - they can do that themselves and they get lonely less easily. I think, during COVID lockdowns, for instance, introverts had an easier time adjusting to being home a lot. 
  • Disadvantage: Being in social situations, while enjoyable, can be draining for introverts.
  • Encourage them by allowing them to have alone time and down time when they need it. As an adult, I love going to parties, but usually like to keep the day after as a day to myself. This gives me time to rest and recharge. Knowing that your child will need time to recharge and building that into your schedule will help.
• Introverts often have a small, close friend group.
  • Advantage: Introverts often have very close and wonderful relationships, even if with a smaller number of people.
  • Disadvantage: Large group situations can be more stressful and it can take some time to make those close friends. This can be tough especially during novel experiences, like starting at a new school.
  • Encourage them, again, by being patient and giving them time to make friends. They may socialize less, but their social interactions will still be rewarding and meaningful. And by doing activities that suit their personalities, you are creating more opportunities for them to meet friends who may have the same needs as them. 

It’s easy to see how some traits of introversion may be at odds with our culture and society. But being an introvert also has wonderful advantages and can be an asset. Throughout history many introverts have made important contributions to society. Charles Darwin is always the first that comes to mind for me! He is a great example of someone who is thoughtful and creative, but also liked to keep to himself. 

Keep scrolling for some great children’s books celebrating introversion!

Captain Starfish by Davina Bell

ISBN: 9781419728372

Alfie wants to participate in the best parts of being a kid, from his friend Antoinette’s birthday party to the relay races at school. But his shyness keeps him from engaging. When Alfie wakes up with That Feeling on the morning of yet another big event - the underwater costume parade - his mom takes him to the aquarium.

Mole Is Not Alone by Maya Tatsukawa

ISBN: 9781250869647

Mole is invited to a party, which is very worrisome. What if the party is too rowdy for Mole? What if Mole doesn't know anyone there? What if Mole is just too shy to make friends? Mole worries through the tunnels, around Snake's burrow, under the forest, past Bear's den, and all the way to Rabbit's door. But despite all those worries, maybe Mole can find a quiet way to make friends.

Gustavo the Shy Ghost by Flavia Z. Drago

ISBN: 9781536211146

Gustavo is good at doing all sorts of ghostly things: walking through walls, making objects fly, and glowing in the dark. And he loves almost nothing more than playing beautiful music on his violin. But Gustavo is shy, and some things are harder for him to do, like getting in a line to buy eye scream or making friends with other monsters. Whenever he tries getting close to them, he realizes they just can't see him. Now that the Day of the Dead is fast approaching, what can he do to make them notice him and to share with them something he loves?

How to Party Like a Snail by Naseem Hrab

ISBN: 9781771474177

Snail is a party animal. Well ... kind of. He especially appreciates the quiet things about parties, like confetti, using his indoor voice, and softly blowing out birthday candles. But parties tend to get pretty loud, and that's when Snail disappears into his shell. But not to worry! Snail still has fun at parties - it's just that from inside his shell nobody can tell he's having a good time. And this means he doesn't get many party invitations ... So Snail decides to throw himself his very own quiet party. But that night, as he tucks himself in a blanket burrito, he starts to feel like something is missing. And that's when Stump, who's been there the whole time, chimes in with a suggestion. In the end, Snail realizes that he really does love parties, just not the rowdy ones.

Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts by Susan Cain

ISBN: 9780399186721

The monumental bestseller Quiet has been recast in a new edition that empowers introverted kids and teens Susan Cain sparked a worldwide conversation when she published Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. With her inspiring book, she permanently changed the way we see introverts and the way introverts see themselves. The original book focused on the workplace, and Susan realized that a version for and about kids was also badly needed. This book is all about kids' world--school, extracurriculars, family life, and friendship.

I am Quiet: A Story for the Introvert in All of Us by Andie Powers

ISBN: 9781611809848

Although many people think Emile is shy, he is simply quiet on the outside while on the inside, his imagination is loud and wild.

Willow’s Whispers by Lana Button

ISBN: 9781554532803

When Willow speaks, her words slip out as soft and shy as a secret. At school, her barely audible whisper causes her no end of troubles. But Willow is as resourceful as she is quiet, and she fashions a magic microphone from items she finds in the recycling bin. However, Willow's invention is only a temporary solution.

Ava and Pip by Carol Weston

ISBN: 9781402288708

When ten-year-old Ava uses her writing talents to help her older sister overcome her shyness, both girls learn the impact their words and stories can have on the world around them.

Here in the Real World by Sara Pennypacker

ISBN: 9780062698957

Immersing himself in a fantasy world of knights and chivalry, introverted Ware is sent to a summer camp designed around social interactions and begins building a castle-like private space while clashing with a fellow misfit.

Walter Finds His Voice: The Story of a Shy Crocodile by Ann Kim Ha

ISBN: 9781636550503

Walter, an achingly shy crocodile, hides in the swamp, always just out of sight, where he hopes no one will notice him.

A Lot Like Batman: Being Amazing on Your Own Terms by Keith Negley

ISBN: 9780593380383

A very young Batman faces his greatest challenge ever -- going to school! Keith Negley brings young readers his vision of a shy Caped Crusader who prefers to stick to the shadows and play alone. Even though he initially doesn't fit in with the colorful and more outgoing kids around him, he soon learns that he has plenty to offer on his own terms.

- by Christine, Lawrence Branch